cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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