Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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