I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
