You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
