I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
