I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
