So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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