I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
