Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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