____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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