I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Randomize
