You made me cry and you don't even care
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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