We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
