i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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