I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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