I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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