I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
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