Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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