she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
