We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
