MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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