i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
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