I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Randomize