well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Randomize
