another moral hangover. fuck.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
