Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
