I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize