I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Panties = found
Randomize
