on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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