Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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