i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
