New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize