Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I think I just sharted jello shots
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