i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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