I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
