It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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