i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
