Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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