mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Randomize
