Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
