when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
