so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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