Kiss
Puke
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
