I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
