Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
