We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
