i always forget guys have bellybuttons
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Randomize
