Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
