if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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