you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
