There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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