Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
