Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
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