she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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