Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
