at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
