Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
