The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
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