the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
