Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
