So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
