margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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