im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
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